mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
