i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
3 2 1 whiskey
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
