Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
