He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
