Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
