Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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