I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
