me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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