I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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