planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
