you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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