i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
