Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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