No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
