Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Drunk is a universal language darling
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