Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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