i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
