he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
