I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
