i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
