he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
