Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
