I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
