Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
