What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
