I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
