A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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