and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
