Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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