absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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