he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
