guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
