So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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