Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
