What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
