Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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