Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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