After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
