I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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