theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
