I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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