my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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