1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
