The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
