I think i peed on brittanys purse
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize