pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
