Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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