thus making me awesome and them whores
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Found the puke drawer
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
