Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
