were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
