I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
