I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Randomize
