piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think I died a long time ago.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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