If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
