I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
jump out the window naked night went bad
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