and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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