What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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