I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
