Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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