Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
