My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
