i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have fence marks all over my body
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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