So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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