and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
zippers are such a cool invention
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
