Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just had sex on a roof
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
