i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
