3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
