you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
