I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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