just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
