Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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