I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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