you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
