Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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