You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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