you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
