so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
