You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
