Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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