How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
