i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Randomize
