Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
