Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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