mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
