4 words: hood of his car
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
