Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
