I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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