Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
