the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
