I think I just saw someone hide a body.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
