I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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