i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize