You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
