No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
