So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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