ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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