i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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