I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
